For both of my births, I was very intentional about writing down exactly what I wanted. Not because I expected everything to go perfectly, but because I didn’t want to be questioned or pressured while I was no longer in a clear state of mind. I wrote everything out on a simple piece of paper and had my husband hold onto it. He memorized it, and when situations came up, we were able to confidently refer back to it and communicate my wishes clearly to the nurses.
During my first labor, things progressed extremely fast — I went from 4cm to 8cm in about 45 minutes. I was overwhelmed, in intense pain, and started yelling curse words in the delivery room. Nurses encouraged me to get an epidural, and in that moment, I almost said yes. My husband stood firm, pulled out the plan, and reminded me that this wasn’t what I wanted. He told me I was strong, that my body knew what to do, and that I could get through it. I didn’t get the epidural.
I truly believe healthcare workers often guide patients toward what is most familiar or convenient within their practice, but I don’t believe birth is something that needs to be suppressed or overridden by default. Women have been doing this since the beginning of time. Our bodies know what to do.
That belief doesn’t mean I judge any woman’s decisions — it’s exactly why having a birth plan matters, so you can choose what’s best for you without feeling pressured into unnecessary changes or missing out on moments like skin-to-skin contact.
Another non-negotiable for us was that our baby was never to leave the room without either me or my husband. That mattered deeply to us. It may not be everyone’s concern — but it was ours, and having it written down removed any confusion or debate.
Going into birth with a plan doesn’t eliminate pain or uncertainty, but it does remove unnecessary questions, helps with pain management by reducing stress, and allows your partner to feel more confident in advocating for you when they can’t control the situation itself.