For both of my births, I intentionally wrote down exactly what I wanted.
The expectation wasn’t perfections, I just didn’t want to be questioned or pressured when I wasn’t in a clear state of mind.
I wrote everything on a simple piece of paper and asked my husband to hold onto it. He memorized it. When situations came up, we confidently referred back to it and clearly communicated my wishes to the nurses.
During my first labor, things progressed extremely fast. I went from 4 cm to 8 cm in about 45 minutes. I felt overwhelmed and in intense pain. At one point, I started yelling curse words in the delivery room.
The nurses encouraged me to get an epidural. In that moment, I almost said yes.
But my husband stood firm, pulled out the plan and reminded me this wasn’t what I wanted. When he told me I was strong, he reminded me my body knew what to do. He told me I could get through it.
I chose not to get the epidural.
Healthcare workers often guide patients toward what feels most familiar or manageable within their practice. A birth shouldn’t automatically be suppressed or overridden. Women have been doing this since the beginning of time. Our bodies know what to do.
That belief doesn’t mean I judge anyone’s decisions. It’s actually the reason I believe a birth plan matters. You deserve to choose what’s best for you without feeling pressured into unnecessary changes or missing out on moments like skin-to-skin contact.
Another non-negotiable for us was simple: our baby would never leave the room without me or my husband. That mattered deeply to us. It may not matter to everyone. But it mattered to us. Writing it down removed confusion and eliminated debate.
Going into birth with a plan won’t eliminate pain or uncertainty. But it will remove unnecessary questions. It reduces stress. It helps with pain management. And it gives your partner confidence to advocate for you when they can’t control the situation itself.